I was walking down the street this afternoon when I passed by a girl, all alone at the bus stand and screaming into her cell phone "You're a devil!! I should've known!!".
It sounded stupid,but then..
Isn't the Devil everywhere??
"Up above is God Almighty
So very far away,
But your brother the Devil
You will meet on every level."
Any takers??
Monday, March 24, 2008
Love....
Love is the blackest of all plagues, and if one could die of it, there would be some pleasure in love.
But you almost always get over it.
There are only a couple of poor wretches who die of love once in a while.
Love is as contagious as a cold in the nose.
It eats away at your strength, your independence, your morale, if you have any.
If everything is imperfect in this imperfect world, love is most perfect in its perfect imperfection.
But you almost always get over it.
There are only a couple of poor wretches who die of love once in a while.
Love is as contagious as a cold in the nose.
It eats away at your strength, your independence, your morale, if you have any.
If everything is imperfect in this imperfect world, love is most perfect in its perfect imperfection.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Quarterlife Crisis
Ok, now I must tell you all that this post is a knee-jerk reaction of sorts...just an hour ago I reached home after driving some 134 km both to and back from the airport to drop off my mother... I was sitting at my table in my room and relishing the peace of the night. I saw a tiny ant walk on top of a copy of Noam Choamsky's Failed States kept on the table, and then it hit me.
It was sudden, like satori.
But not satori.
Only a troubled realization.
Who am I?
What am I here for?
Where do I go from here?
Wondering what the hell I am getting at?
It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What I have realized is that every one relates to this feeling.
We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
I am 25 and I feel I should talk about this to my twenty-something-year old friends ...
I reckon it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis".
It was sudden, like satori.
But not satori.
Only a troubled realization.
Who am I?
What am I here for?
Where do I go from here?
Wondering what the hell I am getting at?
It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What I have realized is that every one relates to this feeling.
We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
I am 25 and I feel I should talk about this to my twenty-something-year old friends ...
I reckon it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis".
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
The Mad God Who Rolled the Boulder
O Mother who begot twelve children;
I am the madman among your progeny.
There are no faggots feasting on my dreadlocks,
Neither are my eyes blinded by solid darkness,
Neither is there the naked, base lust that blows with friction
Causing sparks in the flinty corner of my heart.
In the cemetery where the creaky doors to life close,
Where heaps of ash slowly rest their panting breaths,
Sitting in vigilant meditation,like a wick
That burns without burning, I who scavenge
For the Truth am the madman; I who suffer silently am the fool.
For eons, I have built a fire and sat guard
With a filariatic leg, to that Temple where
All temples dissolve into, where all puppetry
Of nobility burns down, the cemetery of life.
I have pushed the boulder up that Hill of
Bloated and sickening dreams of Desire.
As the eight quarters slowly entwine with
The silent creeper of peace and cover my eyes,
Somewhere in my memory a trail takes a turn
To the ancient straight bloodline of Vararuchi.
(To be continued...)
I am the madman among your progeny.
There are no faggots feasting on my dreadlocks,
Neither are my eyes blinded by solid darkness,
Neither is there the naked, base lust that blows with friction
Causing sparks in the flinty corner of my heart.
In the cemetery where the creaky doors to life close,
Where heaps of ash slowly rest their panting breaths,
Sitting in vigilant meditation,like a wick
That burns without burning, I who scavenge
For the Truth am the madman; I who suffer silently am the fool.
For eons, I have built a fire and sat guard
With a filariatic leg, to that Temple where
All temples dissolve into, where all puppetry
Of nobility burns down, the cemetery of life.
I have pushed the boulder up that Hill of
Bloated and sickening dreams of Desire.
As the eight quarters slowly entwine with
The silent creeper of peace and cover my eyes,
Somewhere in my memory a trail takes a turn
To the ancient straight bloodline of Vararuchi.
(To be continued...)
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
An office online chat...
Highlander- Ok your last post is a good read....”avaritia”...like the discussion we had in Gurgaon.
Mayz- Ya, I remember
Highlander- Prose for a difference...
Mayz- Ya know… the last paragraph was where i wanted to show a little bit of helplessness
Mayz- thats why in third person
Highlander- Tht's bit like Caesar...He always talked about himself in the third person...
Mayz- hmmm
Highlander- Makes me feel like giving the world an ultimatum!!
Mayz- hmmm...like what?
Highlander- Something like this....
Highlander- All gold n riches under the sky are the same for me...
Highlander- Nothing in the world can shake my firm convictions...
Highlander- Neither do I need any help to feed them...
Highlander- It's easy to destroy; difficult to build....
Highlander- I personally prefer the constructive mode..
Highlander- But there is another side of me that revels and thrives in destruction...complete dissolution...
Highlander- There's another Highlander within me whom I've bound in chains…
Highlander- The wounded animal....
Mayz- da wolf
Highlander- If I start disassembling, I'll not stop...I shall turn everything into it's primal, attribute-less, particulate, basic state..
Highlander- Do not provoke me to destroy anything...
Highlander- Not much good shall come out of it...
Highlander- Don't try to export sand to Rajasthan...
Mayz- u shud write abt this
Highlander- hmmm... but then the hand that throws everything to dissolution or Pralaya...
Highlander- Must be stopped n turned into the Abhay Mudra...
Highlander- That desire must come from within...once that happens the desire shall attain a bodily form...
Highlander- The gentle, protecting, nourishing, forgiving, female half of Yin..
Highlander- To bring chaos back to balance...
Highlander- In English,that means I should give birth to a girl who can then double as my mate.. :-)
Mayz- u shud copy all this n post it in ur blog
Highlander- You think ppl will read such crap??
Mayz- this is not crap man
Highlander- Reads like the thoughts of a guy high on LSD n Vedanta.. :-)
Mayz- i like that state
Mayz- gives mind a different pedestal to think from
Mayz- thoughts gush out liberally
Highlander- problem is that Vedanta's more addictive than LSD... :-)
Highlander- gives you an unexplained high...something feeling alive every moment...may be not on the physical side.
Mayz- life has n never will b physical
Highlander- it has to man...it's the lowest state of life...how else do you type these keys?? :-)
Mayz- we r drones
Mayz- zombies
Mayz- lifeless thoughtless creatures created by d world
Mayz- not d ones god wanted us to b
Highlander- brainless?? existing on others' brains??
Mayz- this is not life as god defines it
Mayz- this is life as WE define it
Highlander- He never defines it man...
Highlander- Yeah, we define it...
Mayz- he calls it nirvana
Mayz- he calls it a balance btwn d stiff n d flow
Mayz- btwn d essence n d core
Highlander- If we fail to define it in this life, we'll do it in the next..
Mayz- we were better off as animals
Highlander- thoughtless, merely existential??
Highlander- do nothing but think abt food, mating n survival??
Highlander- What abt thoughts like peace, love n sacrifice n kindness??
Highlander- I don;t think we would share our food with another if we were animals..
Mayz- who says animals r not at peace?
Mayz- no love u say??
Mayz- no kindness??
Mayz- more than humans...any given day
Highlander- not to anyone out of their type...
Highlander- Have you seen a lion nurse a doe?? or a human??
Mayz- we r men...not humans
Highlander- What's his basic instinct??
Mayz- bahut mushkil hai aadmi ko insaan banana
Highlander- hmm..yeah..but not impossible...
Mayz- coz u r thinkin like a man
Mayz- not as a human
Highlander- no yaar, being human is the highest quality that one can attain...
Highlander- why else do you think the human spirit is exalted so much??
Mayz- coz humans think
Highlander- yeah, and animals can't think to the extent that humans can..
Highlander- if they could, the concept of the food chain would have been obsolete....
Mayz- food chain...man made concept
Mayz- we don’t know… maybe they too have an essence
Highlander- definitely they do…but they're not conscious to be aware of it...
Mayz- coz they r pure
Highlander- Yes, it's man made, though that's what's seen in Nature for ages...
Highlander- No yaar, only that consciousness is pure...
Highlander- once you just be, that means you’re aware of all that exists, existed n will exist..
Highlander- It's from the desire that rose from the unadulterated consciousness that all creation has happened...
Mayz- who says?
Mayz- man again?
Highlander- yes...
Highlander- Even our own limited intellect follows the same principle..
Highlander- You see anyone else talkin abt it??
Highlander- any other form of creation??
Mayz- do we know whether anyone else does?
Highlander- Has there been any written record of a plant or an animal striving to attain Moksha??
Highlander- that's why even in the scriptures, the heavenly gods have to come down to be born as humans to strive for Moksha..
Mayz- man written scriptures?
Highlander- yes..everything has to reach this launchpad....
Highlander- Human stage is just a launchpad, where lies infinite potential...
Highlander- Why else do scientists say that 90% of our potential always goes wasted??
Highlander- It's because of the sheer variety of wonders tht a disciplined human mind can create....
Mayz- mind....not human mind
Highlander- yeah, actually mind only...
Highlander- if the animals had ways to sharpen their creative intellect, then they also would've created wonders...
Mayz- n destroyed everything around like we r doing
Mayz- for own good
Highlander- haan, that's where the dual nature of intellect comes in...
Highlander- the mind and the intellect always will be working towards self-gratification....
Highlander- Whatever be the means...
Highlander- Power to create can both nourish n corrupt...
Mayz- its a double edged sword
Highlander- Yes.....
Mayz- n d worst thing is we don’t know how to use it
Mayz- if we did we would b humans...n that’s y we r men
Mayz- not humans
Highlander- hmmm…there again, we can acquire the ability..
Highlander- I remember reading a book, "Dear children, become humans first".
Mayz- we'll destroy everything by then
Highlander- Not always, there's always something left to carry on the legacy of the human spirit...
Mayz- d thought of niravana...d thought of moksha
Mayz- thats wat is left in d end
Highlander- yes, for it is only by being humans that we can attain fulfilment n also help others do so....
Mayz- exactly...but r v doin that
Highlander- well aren’t all of us unconsciously harboring the same thougtht??
Mayz- its d present we care for
Highlander- yeah..I agree...
Highlander- Dude, I just got a wild idea…I'm gonna post this conversation in my next blog..
Highlander- :-)
Mayz- haha...i was thinkin d same thing
Highlander- HA HA HA!!
Mayz- go ahead
Highlander- he he...Will do...
The End
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Love.....
Love is the blackest of all plagues, and if one could die of it, there would be some pleasure in love.But you almost always get over it.
There are only a couple of poor wretches who die of love once in a while.
Love is as contagious as a cold in the nose.
It eats away at your strength, your independence, your morale, if you have any.
If everything is imperfect in this imperfect world, love is most perfect in its perfect imperfection.
The first time..
Well, I never thought I'd make up a blog like this, coz I'm too lazy..But a good friend of mine The Fallen Angel (http://www.satanzmantra.blogspot.com/) has been eating away my ears for quite some time with his constant demand that I start a blog on my own...Well here it is...
I think I owe an explanation regarding my blog URL http://www.darkning.blogspot.com/. Well, we get intermittent visions of things during flashes of lightning..Well what if just the opposite of Lightning happens?? Darkning?? Flashes of darkness...That's what I explore here...Normally in private, but now, I've been coerced to share...And actually I don't seem to mind it right now...
Till next post, paakkalaam...
I think I owe an explanation regarding my blog URL http://www.darkning.blogspot.com/. Well, we get intermittent visions of things during flashes of lightning..Well what if just the opposite of Lightning happens?? Darkning?? Flashes of darkness...That's what I explore here...Normally in private, but now, I've been coerced to share...And actually I don't seem to mind it right now...
Till next post, paakkalaam...
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